Smooth ‘n Silky Banana Milkshake Hair Mask

Bananas are mystical fruits designed by a higher power to be the exact shape and size to fit perfectly, snugly, miraculously on your counter top for two weeks, while you forget about them and instead eat the granola.

They also have a built-in color-coded system: Banana day one is green, banana day three is green, banana day four is yellow, banana day five is as black as the heart of Genghis Khan.

All over the wild of India, there are families of monkeys, bickering about who didn’t eat the last two bananas and now what are they going to do with them? They’re too dark and mushy. The kids won’t touch them, George. What a waste. Fine, go ahead. Just go outside and throw your poop with the guys. I’m sick of discussing this, anyway.

Well, here’s a way you can avoid that conversation. You’ll also avoid spending six hours debating whether you should throw the bananas away or bake banana bread, during which time the bananas grow legs, get up, and just walk away, sick of your indecision.

Smooth ‘n Silky Banana Hair Mask.

You don’t have to use old bananas for this; you can use any bananas your heart desires. It’s just a way to use up those crusty, spotted fruits so you’re not just tossing them in the compost bin and hiding your wasteful head in shame.

Best of all – it really does work. Just about the best hair conditioning you can find this side of the buffet table.

Banana Milkshake Hair Mask

A while ago, Dr. Oz assembled a crack team of enthusiastic researchers to determine what food, in fact, was the most repairing, the most conditioning, for hair. They determined it was spicy sirloin chili. Just kidding. It’s bananas.

Bananas as a hair mask is effective, because bananas contain things like potassium, vitamin B6, folate, and other properties that are great for your hair (and also help with hair loss).

And milk? Milk is full of protein to make your hair stronger, as well as lactic acid to help whisk away old, dead skin cells that might have accumulated on your hair and caused it to become lifeless, limp, and mildly suicidal.

Some people also insist that using milk on your hair before you wash it causes curls to relax and assists in straightening. This seems to be a hotly debated issue (as it should be, because it’s very important), but some people say it works and some people say it doesn’t. Homemade beauty treatments: They’re like politics, only not as messy.

Either way, I can tell you from my own personal experience over the years that both milk and bananas make my hair silky, smooth, and extra shiny. I already have pretty straight hair, so who knows if it helped straighten it, but my hair (today, because I did this last night) feels like a tranquil waterfall looks. Swishy and sparkly, like a curtain of silk.

Enough talk. Let’s do it.

Smooth ‘n Silky Banana Milkshake Hair Mask

• 1-2 bananas (maybe 3, if your hair is really, really long and thick)
• Whole milk or coconut milk, enough to thin out the bananas
• Honey (optional)
• Cocoa powder, strawberries, or a peach (optional)

We’re just going to talk about the basic hair mask, which is lovely and perfect as it is, and then in a minute we’ll talk about other ingredients you can add if you want to kick it up a notch.

OH, before I forget to mention, YOU CAN TOTALLY DRINK THE LEFTOVERS. Do not attempt this with regular hair conditioner.

First, you want to take your banana(s) and blend them in some way, either in a blender, food processor, with a stick blender, or just by mashing and stirring really well. You want to do this until you have a slimy paste. No chunks. Just slime.

Partway through the blending process – you can still see some chunkies in there.

If you have chunks, they will probably adhere to your hair, move in with their kids, and refuse to leave when you shower. So no chunks.

Then, you just drizzle in milk, monitoring the thickness of the banana. You’re aiming for a consistency that is nearly identical to regular hair conditioners.

Once you have this blended and smooth, it should be relatively runny, but still thick enough to stay on your hair. Again, go for the consistency of regular hair conditioner.

After this, you can add in your optional ingredients and blend them in there very well. (See below.)

How to apply the Smooth ‘n Silky Banana Milkshake Hair Mask

• Start with dry hair and work over the sink or in the bathtub
• Consider that this might be an excellent hair treatment to use as you take a stress-relieving bath; otherwise, you’ll need a shower cap or well-wrapped towel to prevent dripping all over the world
• Apply as much of this mask to your hair as you can, making sure it’s saturating your hair and caressing your scalp
• Put on your shower cap or wrap your head in a towel
• Leave this on for 15-20 minutes
• Wash as normal (you may or may not need to condition your hair, just see how it feels after you wash it), but make sure you get ALL of the mask out of your hair, or you’ll walk around smelling like old bananas and sour milk
• Enjoy your beeeeeeeauytiful hair

Rule of thumb for all homemade beauty treatments: Do not ever try a homemade beauty treatment an hour before you have to be somewhere important. Practice them first on boring days, before you’re slated to meet the queen or whatever important things you do. Get to know what different ingredients do to your hair or skin, first. Just in case your hair hates things like bananas, and you never knew. Wouldn’t want to shame the queen.

Add Goodies to Your Banana Milkshake Hair Mask

If, for some reason, the wonderfulness of the basic mask isn’t enough for your wild ways and fancy leanings, there are a few ingredients you can add to up the oomph of this hair mask. These ingredients will also make it yummier, when you drink your leftovers. (And you will, won’t you??)

Here are a few ideas:

• Honey, for even more moisturizing
• Cocoa powder, which is also moisturizing, and it’s great for brunettes or redheads who want to boost their deep brown tones
• Strawberries are clarifying, but they’d also be great for anyone interested in adding a bit of a slight red highlight (note: none of these “highlights” are strong, and they won’t last past your second wash)
• Peaches are great for delicate, broken hair, as well as blondes who want to soften the brassiness in their hair
• Strong green tea, wonderfully clarifying, would be great for any hair type, and it would make for an interesting flavor combination when you drink up what you don’t use on your hair

There are definitely other things you could add to this to make it yummy and turbo boost the conditioning.

Can you think of anything else that sounds good?

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