Community Question: To Placebo or Not To Placebo With Your Wily Kids?

crunched by Crunchy Betty on February 13, 2012
filed under Crunchy Kids

Ah, I think you parents will enjoy this particular question. I certainly did, when it came in from Jennifer a few days ago.

But first, any excuse I have to post adorable pictures I’ve taken of my nephews, I will. Let us see him illustrate the sneakiness of children by his disarming sideways glance:

He's thinking of a way to trick us. Believe it.

Here is the question for you guys:

Dear Crunchy Betty,

I need for you to come up with a way to deceive my kids. Yes, indeedy. So many nights during bedtime I get the “Mommy, my hand is aching” or “Mommy, my toe feels weird. I need medicine.”

And so I need you to come up with a tonic that I can give them so they’ll be happy and go to sleep thinking they’ve taken some real medicine. I’m thinking honey, obviously, because it has to be more alluring than that grape-flavored kid’s Tylenol which, even to me, smells like children’s crack. And something else, so it looks like I made a real tonic for them. Perhaps some lavender?

I’ve got an elderberry-based cold tonic that they take but don’t LOVE so that’s out which is too bad since it gives the stuff a cool purple/red color.

My kids are four and six, so they can have pretty much any EO; obviously I’d like it to be something that I don’t have to worry about overdosing them with when they’ve got “pains” three nights in a row.

I feel you, Crunchy Betty, are up to this challenge.

Please!

Sleepless in the Southwest,

Jennifer

Giving Your Kids Placebos for “It Feels Kinda Weird”

Little did Jennifer know (at least until I emailed her and told her this was happening), I actually didn’t feel up to the challenge – personally. Little did she know, the legion of Crunchy Betties WERE.

I used to give placebos (sugar water) to my sister – the mother of that adorable child up there – when she was little. It was our one special thing, because I was 7-1/2 years older than her, and it was the only way I could get her to go to bed and leave me alone to do angsty, un-good-big-sister-like teenager stuff. (We have since overcome our vast age difference, and now she’s one of my favorite people in the world, even when I don’t give her sugar water.)

So my thought process for Jennifer went like this, “Homemade Magic Fix-It Gummy Bears! HOMEMADE GUMMY BEARS! WITH JUICE!”

I rushed to the kitchen to gather ingredients to make homemade gummy candy, which I NEEDED because my toe felt weird. Then I realized I didn’t have any ingredients, which forced me to think a little bit longer about her question.

So let’s look at it just a little more deeply (without going too overboard):

The placebo effect is a real thing, especially in cases where everything is pretend anyway.
Kids’ imaginations (and the deep desire to avoid bedtime) are REAL things.
Parents who pay attention know the difference between real sickness and “my toe feels weird.”

With those three points in mind, do you think there’s any harm in placating your kids with special placebos to make them feel better?

Have any of you treated these oh-my-goodness-you-poor-baby-now-get-your-butt-in-bed illnesses with placebos? Or have you found a craftier – or more direct – way to deal with these little issues?

And most importantly, do you have any crunchy ideas for a (healthier-than-sugar-water) placebo-like fix for Jennifer and all you other crunchy parents out there dealing with kids with weird feeling toes?

How would YOU help Jennifer with her dilemma?

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Margaret Teusch

Not a mom, but still remember being a kid! My complaints boiled down mostly to ‘my knees hurt!’ and the thing is, they really really did. And luckily, my mom is cut from the same achy cloth as I, so instead of telling me to go back to bed, she gave me an ice pack to put on my knees so I could sleep.
She always told me they were growing pains, but I still get them . . . hm.

Anyway, the point is that whether or not your kids’ knees really really do hurt, an ice pack or warm bean bag (or cold bean bag, they go both ways) may be just the trick. My sister’s 10 and she doesn’t have the aches I did, but she always sleeps with one on her feet. Having Mom bring it to me made me feel cared-for, and I went to sleep warm and cozy.
- Jalcml
  
  I raised a few kids of my own and I think Margaret is right on the money, something that helps the kids feel warm and yummy and loved by mommy is the ticket. That way, if they are really in pain it actually helps plus they get that yummy feeling of being loved and cared for. One of the things I have noticed with being “crunchy” is that it takes a little more time and shows more love and so I don’t know if my kids ACTUALLY feel better than if I had just given them a tylenol but they always hunker down in bed when they are sick and just received one of my crunchy treatments, which is often just a back or head rub with a smile and I think that it is because they can feel that attention – and they never outgrow the desire to be loved!
- Rosa
  
  They might have been growing pains – they do seem worse in my kid when he’s growing a lot, and our pediatrician says it’s pretty usual to only feel growing pains at night when you hold still and relax.
Katie

I’m not super thrilled about a placebo tonic. What about something that’s still helpful, but not ingestible?

For example… a great big mommy hug to increase seratonin, or jumping jacks to increase endorphins?
Ice to calm down inflammation?
A quick shower to warm things up and make you happycozy?
Two minutes of meditation time? (For the 6yo, maybe?)

Or ingestible things that make you feel better without being a placebo, like lukewarm tea or something. You can get pain relief teas from the naturopath!

While a honey-based tonic has the potential to be filled with good-for-you-things, I’m a firm believer in the fact that soothing all aches and pains and owies with sweet-flavoured foodstuffs is a pretty significant step towards emotional eating habits. It also seems to limit the amount of awareness that a child has of other pain-relief methods like breathing, meditation, and endorphin/seratonin release.
- Valerie_behr
  
  An active day and a good dinner, a good bedtime routine with non exciting stories or songs, and some massage works a treat – be sure your young child isn’t getting over long naps at day care or during the day and has a chance to be active and not plunkedin front of the tv with its lack of physical activity – and has a chance to discuss and share anything that is bothering him or her before bed, and resolves that before you leave the room…
Cadelle

To me, the point is not whether the pain/illness is real, it’s real to your kid, and so the “remedy” should be real to your kid, too. I’m not sure how I feel about ingestible placebos, but magic band-aids with charms drawn on them (make a set ahead of time or they’ll notice it’s just sharpie) and special heat/cold compresses are good options. Maybe some of a different vitamin option from the store sorted out and put in a different jar, labeled according to color. Red cures feet and legs, green for hands and arms, yellow for tummies, etc.

Another one I’ve dealt with personally is the monsters at bedtime. Never have I questioned the existence of the monsters (I firmly believe in the tooth fairy and will cut you if you disagree with me), but I know for a fact, a FACT sir! that they hate lavender. All of them. So I mix up a little spray bottle with purified water – which will purify any icky they left behind on previous visits – and several drops of lavender and orange blossom EOs.
- http://www.crunchybetty.com CrunchyBetty
  
  Yes! Your “monster’s at bedtime” fixes totally brought back a vivid memory that I’d forgotten. When I was really little, I was afraid of the big bad wolf coming into the house. At the time, my dad smoked a pipe occasionally, and he convinced me that if we sprinkled some of the pipe tobacco on the floor in front of the door, it would keep the big bad wolf out.
  
  I thoroughly believed him. And in retrospect, it wasn’t even the action of putting the magic tobacco that made me feel better. It was the time he took to “protect” me and make me feel safe just before bedtime.
  
  Aw.
  
  I’d like to see the tooth fairy take on the big bad wolf now. That would be epic.
  - Cadelle
    
    The tooth fairy would win. *nod*
  - Pam
    
    Good Morning – I’m new to this site (I accidentally stumbled upon it while I was looking for a new uses for a used lip balm container)…I’m also a (fairly) new mum – my little girl just turned one. Of course, as a new parent, you get overwhelmed with information/suggestions/advice – I recently read that “monsters in the closet” are not to be made out to exist…and that if your child is afraid of them, you’re not even supposed to ‘look’ in the closet or under the bed for them because it re-inforces the idea that they are real…
    Thoughts?
    Love the site!
    - Ange
      
      There will always be conflicting advice. You just have to decide what you feel is right for you and your daughter. Trust your instincts. My opinion is that, while the monsters are not real, the fear is, so showing her that there are none and letting her know that Mommy and Daddy will keep her safe is always a good thing! Besides, NOT checking might make her think you are afraid. I have a special teddy (that belongs to ME), he even came to the hospital with me when I had both kids. If one was having a particularly bad might, I would let the bear spend the night with the child. Because Humphrey is not afraid of anything.
      :)
      - Pam
        
        Thanks Ange – that makes a lot of sense. I think I need to be on the lookout for a Humphrey of my own :)
- Susancw
  
  A woman after my own heart. We had monsters also and (something I consider worse than monsters) ROACHES in that house (after we moved out the kids called it the bug house) Anyway, that house is also responsible for my interest in alternative medicine, etc…but we had a bottle with lavender EO in it…turns out roaches don’t like lavender either…so it was sprayed in the air in their room and off to sleep they went. My middle son still likes the smell of lavender and will sometimes come grab my bottle when he has insomnia. When he moves out this June, I’ll make him his own bottle of “monster spray” for his new place. :D
Erin

this intrigues me since i have a 3 1/2 year old who thinks sleep is not neccesary and must go all night. My 7 year old is pretty good about bedtime but i do once in a while get the occaisional “mommy i can’t sleep” from him. Followed by every excuse under the sun. I was thinking of making some lotion with lavendar and chammomile in it and have special sleepy time lotion. My 3 year old had a cold and tummy ache last week and i made him “special milk” warm milk with honey, ginger, and cinnamon. He loved it. Or i call ginger ale “special tummy medicine” the last time my 3 year old had an upset tummy. I also used to give them their vitamin at bed time instead of in the morning. Made bed time more exciting. speaking of i need to get them more. Also when my kids complain of aches and pains at bed time i tell them that it means they need to sleep and they will feel better in the morning. Trying to enforce the benefits of a good nights sleep for healthy bodies. If they complain during the day of aches or pains, i bring up the N-A-P word and they magically feell better. :) I do like the idea of a special tonic to use once in a while. Maybe some vaseline with some EO’s in it as a special rub. Kids sometimes just need that “mommy fixed me” moment to feel better and relax. Also mommies need that “i fixed them” moments too! I work 40 hours aweek so i don’t get a lot of time with my kids so if i can have a special moment with my kids i’ll take it!
KarinSDCA

Everyone, including kids of all ages, wants love and attention. :)

A few things we’ve done over the years:
~ We developed a consistent bedtime routine, which builds in transition time to help little ones shift gears. The routine naturally evolves as the child evolves.
~ I created a “sweet dreams” spray, which my daughter sprays around her bedroom by herself and then begs me to spray all over her (and her bedding). My recipe is 2 oz water + 2 drops sweet orange EO + 1 drop Roman chamomile EO. Shake well before each use. P.S. You can call it anything you want . . . monster spray is rather popular, but aches-B-gone would work, too. These EOs are cheerful, calming, soothing, and sedative.
~ A special bunny used to lived in our freezer for fixing boo-boos. It’s a washcloth tied into the shape of a bunny with a hole for an ice cube. A rice or bean pack would also work. We simply use cold water or hot water with a washcloth nowadays.
~ Homeopathic cell salts and flower essences are perfect for little ones (and big ones). These are not placebos, but are gentle and you cannot go wrong. Kids can choose their own (blindly or by intuition or with books/internet) and there is no risk of overdose. My daughter has open access to our cell salts and flower essences and can ask for a remedy (if she wants the added TLC) or dose herself (if she wants to exercise her independence) at any time. We all know kids go back and forth on wanting us to take care of them and wanting to do it all by themselves.
~ Breathing is quite magical. I have taught my daughter to breathe into the area of pain or discomfort. Close your eyes and direct the flow of your breath into your nose/mouth, down the throat and into whatever area hurts or feels weird. Breathe out the “ickiness”…aka let it flow out of your body. Breathe in fresh healing air. Repeat as long as necessary. I add words along with the breathwork, such as “I release all that no longer serves me” or “I release the pain in my left knee” or “I release the sadness in my lungs”.
~ Yoga poses can be quite helpful for those weird feelings. They can also be helpful for intense emotions. Viparita Karani (legs-up-the-wall pose) is amazing! Kids seem to like it a lot. It’s fun and effective! Give them a special spot to do it and show them how. Hint: You don’t have to be perfectly precise like the yogi masters. Just scoot up sideways to a wall or other sturdy vertical object and swing your legs up while lowering your upper body to the floor. Lay there for awhile. Enjoy the new perspective. This, by the way, is particularly effective for tantrums (children and adults)! My daughter likes to do this on the stairs. Sit on a step close to the wall, then swing your legs up the wall and lower your upper body to the step. She’s a kid!
- MG
  
  Some great suggestions! However, I am a little concerned that giving a child a placebo and making them think they are receiving something else will be teaching our children that you need a medicine to fix everything and that they need to take something to be able to sleep. Then when they are adults they will think they need ‘real’ medicine.
- KarinSDCA
  
  P.S. I use most of the above ideas any time of day… LOL
Dawn Fosse Cook

When mine was young and complaining of various ailments to avoid bed time, my remedies always started with a cup of chamomile tea. Usually I’d add a little lemon and a generous amount of honey. It may not “cure” the random weirdness of childhood, but it often helped sooth her into a good sleep.
Ange

I’m not a fan of encouraging bedtime stalling. My personal opinion is that if you go along with it, it will never stop. If it is an honest-to-goodness ache, I agree with the rice bag idea. Maybe even making a special one just for the child that has special properties (like lavendar monster repellent). My daughter had special dollies that looked a little like Mommy, Daddy and Big Sister. She helped make them and we stuffed them with lots of love so that she could take them to sleep-overs at Grandma’s and not miss us. She still has them!
I’m the “mean mom” though, when it came to stall tactics. I would tell the kids that if they had a bizarre ache (that I was sure was just a stall tactic), I would take them to the hospital to get checked out first thing in the morning. Not to our doctor because I don’t want to make her a punishment. The hospital staff are there to help, and also not be a punishment, but it worked for me because they just didn’t want to go.
If they simply “can’t sleep” I’d tell them to lie down and tell themselves a story in their head. That usually worked.
I now have two well-adjusted teenagers who sleep well, budget their time very well and get excellent grades so my ‘meanness’ didn’t have any bad effects.
Oh, and a bandaid and a kiss from Mommy works wonders. I was never stingy with bandaids, even if I couldn’t see the horrifically-painful-how-will-I-ever-live-through-this injury. I love the idea of drawing on them! I wish I had thought of that.
Lugh00

Our first step is almost inevitably tea. Usually peppermint, sometimes dosed with honey and/or lemon, depending on the complaint. Most of the time this works for my 7 yr old. My 5 yr old though… ugh… I don’t like the idea of dosing them with anything, but this kind would try a saint. Repeatedly. Every single night. I’ve tried every herbal kids remedy out there to get this child to sleep before 11, not a single one worked on her. One top of this issue she often had growing pains (as did I as a child). I know they’re painful, and if she wakes in the middle of the night complaining of them I will give her tylenol- we’ve tried arnica, but it doesn’t seem to help, we do massage her legs when she complains of it, usually with an arnica gel. There’s often nights where it happens before she sleeps and it’s incredibly hard to tell when they’re real and when they’re not. Last night my husband gave her a tablet of Vit C and it “worked”, I’m to the point that if it worked in 15 minutes or less and wasn’t tylenol, then they weren’t real. Bonus, maybe it’ll stop the fake ones ’cause she doesn’t like Vit C.
Sometimes we have to take what we can get to stay sane. This has been going on for 3+ years with her, while I won’t give her tylenol to keep myself sane, I’ll give her something else, preferably not full of sugar if it works!
- pandaborg
  
  I’m late to this post but I in the same boat as LughOO. My first response is always holistic in nature when treating my kids,but if they seem like they are really bad off and teas have not worked ( and other methods) I will pull out the tylenol, but I am fortunate because my children will only take medicines if they are truly feeling bad, and they have to be feeling really bad to consider it.
Sara

Our answer at bedtime has mostly been either get a drink of water, or get a warm rice bag or ice. The drink of water they are responsible to get for themselves from the bathroom sink. This curbs the excessive “let’s keep mommy coming and going.” Plus, most people will only drink from the bathroom sink if they are really thirsty. The warm rice bag requires mom to go get it and warm it up, but that’s usually all it takes… The ice is reserved for those boo-boos that really don’t need much… they have over the years figured out that an ice pack hurts worse the the boo-boo, unless it’s a real injury. If they come to me crying about a fall (or a shove from a brother) then I examine the “injury” and ask if they need ice. Most of the time they say no and go on their merry way. My boys are 10 and 12 now and these three things have worked the whole time!
Becky

When my girls were little and had bad dreams, I’d put a little bit of my perfume (tea rose oil) or lavender oil on their wrists for them to smell. The olfactory response was so helpful in getting them to calm down and most importantly, getting us both back to sleep!
For tummy troubles, foot massages or acupressure, although they were often resistant. I also made them little flaxseed pillows out of flannel fabric that could be heated or cooled which helped emotionally and physically. I have given in to ibuprofen for headaches, etc.
I don’t like the idea of a placebo effect because it teaches them that there are not alternative sources for soothing themselves and that they always have to resort to “medicine” to make them feel better.
- Valerie_behr
  
  A massage or acu pressure before they are asleep is also a good idea. We practiced this with relaxation techniques because my toddler was difficult to get to sleep, she has had a hard time falling asleep since birth, or so it seems to me. Periods of high anxiety – the day before a new school year would start, for instance, even in Kindergarten – were especially tough. We used massage – just your average back rub – or the relaxation technique of having them lie on their back and imagine the parts of their bodies, from toes on up, slowly relaxing, floating. I’ve done this myself and never usually make it much past the “toes relax” part, but with her, we’d get up to the neck and shoulders sometimes before she would totally conk out. Some other times I’d hear her voice float from downstairs “mommy I did toes relax and it isn’t Working…” about ten seconds after I left the room. It works, though, you can actually feel your body starting to float and it’s hard to get all the way to your head, neck, eyes etc as an adult without passing out.
  
  Have the child lie on their back and imagine their toes getting warm and totally relaxed. Then up to the arch of the foot, the ankle, calves, shins, knees etc., feeling that warmth go up their body and the floating, drifting sensation of having their body lead them into drowsiness and letting the yayas leak out and rest take over.
  
  They can self calm by intoning “toes, relax… feet relax…” etc but they have to do it slowly and feel it as they think of it – it works on the same principle, probably, as counting sheep – link your mind and something physical you can imagine, rhythmically getting more relaxed.
  
  Massage can put anyone to sleep and if your little one is high strung or has sleep issues this is a good way to put the ball in their court, even at a pretty young (3?) age. They need to learn to calm themselves, if you (like me) nursed or rocked your baby to sleep and then read and sang and massaged your toddler to sleep, they may have missed the opportunity to calm themselves – but it has to happen some time.
viva

Love your blog Crunchy Betty! I am a Reiki practitioner and love to share it with my kids when they need some attention from momma! I might add that they are all grown now and still come to me for it. My youngest is 18 now and usually asks for it when he can’t sleep. It has a very calming, soothing effect and tends to knock him right out! And it’s all natural. Can’t beat that.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Emily-Dykstra-Martin/1301821142 Emily Dykstra Martin

My tried and true remedies are similar to many of those already expressed. I teach my kids from an early age to take deep breaths when they are feeling upset, anxious, frustrated, etc. My 5 and 6 year olds are experts at this and my 3 year old twins rarely even need me to prompt them. Quite often I hear them verbally remind themselves, which is pretty cute :) While love and comfort from a parent is invaluable, I feel it’s just as important to teach children self-soothing techniques.

We use cold and warm packs which “cure” a myriad of ailments. Additionally, one of our favorites that works for minor scrapes, bruises, mysterious aches and pains and sleeplessness (just to name a few) is whipped coconut oil with a few drops of lavender EO. Simply whip coconut oil with your hand mixer for several minutes and it becomes light, fluffy and even easier to apply. The lavender essential oil is wonderfully calming. My kids ask for this almost daily, for any number of reasons.
http://www.critterchronicles.net/ Heather Critter

My first reaction to giving kids a stand-in for actual medication is to pull back the reins and cringe a bit. I’m a BIG fan of home remedies and try to postpone the use of OTC or prescription drugs as long as humanly possible, and I’m trying to teach my kiddos not to turn to drugs (however helpful they may be) as a first course of action. With a holistic nurse for a mom this is definitely something that I agree with her on: look for the cause rather than treating the symptoms, real or imagined. (I also believe in the power of a fever’s ability to heal the body, rather than seeing it only as a threat.)

I always keep Sleepytime Tea on hand, and lace it with a bit of honey and milk for afternoon/evening tummyaches. We do snuggles and stories for emotional issues, and warm/cold packs for aches, and I tend to buy stock in band-aids for both real and imagined bleeding.

I stay away from medicines and drugs disguised as food. I don’t want my children mistaking acetaminophen chewables for Smarties and accidentally overdosing, or thinking that the Gummy Bears vitamins in the bottle with a “childproof” cap are the same as gummy bears in a plastic bag, no matter how similar the taste.
http://www.facebook.com/cheryl.hartzman Cheryl Roberge Hartzman

My friend has been struggling with the monster’s under the bed even though the bed has now been lowered to the floorboards problem and asked if I could devise something helpful as a product from my herbal remedy company. Well, her daughter is just about my most favorite kid in the world (next to my own) so I was more than happy to help. First I devised a Monster Repelling Spray complete with niffty monster banishing chant on the label and official Monster Slayer stickers. But then I was afraid we’d start a new problem of bed wetting because she would feel safe only in bed. So I devised the Monster Repelling Bag which is portable and can be carried to the bathroom to guarantee safety. So yes, I think sometimes “treating” the problem can actually help with alleviating it.
Jennifer

What
an awesome community – and what a ton of great ideas!

As
the one who originally wrote the email to Crunchy Betty, let me say this –

I
wholeheartedly agree that turning to a “sweet” to always soothe or heal is NOT the answer; we’re not the family that heals
scraped knees with bowls of (organic) ice cream. And I also agree that a consistent bedtime
routine is key, and that stalling tactics should be recognized as such and
dealt with accordingly. Our current
bedtime “aids” for my four- and six-year-old include, but are not limited to –

Cinnamon
milk – every night the girls drink a small glass of warm milk with cinnamon in
it; they swear it helps them sleep.

Pillow
potion – an essential oil blend with primarily lavender and hops, we spray it
on pillows or loveys to help against monsters/bad dreams/sleeplessness when
requested.

Massage
lotion – a lavender salve we use to rub arms or legs or any achiness.

Prayer
time – both a regular bedtime prayer, and extra prayers on extra anxious nights

Night-night
music – a cd of classical mellow music that instantly calms the girls and slows
them down. It’s Pavlovian, I tell ya.

So
we don’t immediately turn to an ingestible to “fix” the problem. And while I like the idea of jumping jacks
and yoga in theory, I know that if I let my girls up and moving around after
lights out we’ll never get them back into the zone.

I
think part of my search for this placebo is based on my girls’ absolute, innate
faith in Mommy to help with Anything.
They see me standing in front of a countertop filled with marshmallow
root and rosehips and dried elderberry and know Mommy is about to make
something that will, at some point, help them feel better. I ask them to trust me and swallow my cough
syrups and cold remedies and they do, and though they don’t feel an immediate
relief the way they would with conventional medicine, they trust that Mommy is
Right and this thing is Helping them. So
when they’ve got growing pain aches or whatever else might be plaguing them,
rather than turning to Tylenol I’m willing to get down a bottle of honey
infused with, say, chamomile or lavender and give them a spoonful; I know they’ll
instantly relax, confident in my ability to help them. Somehow.
It’s not where I’ll instantly go every night so I can get back to
watching “Jersey Shore”, but every couple of months I’ll count it worthwhile.

If
I can figure out a recipe.

Thank
you, though, everyone who spoke up against ingestibles – it absolutely has
forced me to examine my choices more thoroughly and to know I’m making a
conscious decision to go there if I do. It’s
something that definitely will come near the end of the list, right after
copious foot rubs and right before cracking open the over-the-counter medicine
that tastes really bad. I love this
community, and how you all bring such wisdom to this table!

And
to whoever started the conversation on hot/cold packs – genius idea. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that. I’ve got a big bag of lavender buds right now
and am thinking of some sort of lavender/rice or flax seed heating pad. Perhaps an old tube sock, sewn shut? Microwavable – maybe a bit of Velcro on it so
I can fasten it around a leg or lay it flat on a thigh or tummy – the possibilities
are endless. I feel some experimenting
coming on.

Thanks
for the insights and encouragement!

Jennifer
- KarinSDCA
  
  You are a great mother and bless you for sharing your question in the first place! :)
  
  You may want to mix up the lavender with other scents, such as chamomile, and give the lavender a complete break every once in awhile, so you don’t unwittingly cause any issues down the line. Many resources suggest taking breaks, especially with essential oils and herbs.
  
  Much love!
  - Jennifer
    
    Thanks for the encouragement! Fortunately, we don’t have to rely on our bag of tricks most nights; we can go weeks at a time with a relatively easy bedtime, no massage lotion or pillow potion necessary. Then we’ll hit a rough patch where my Worrier has a tough time for several nights in a row, or my growing Monkey has a few days of growing pains, and we’ll pull out all the stops. But that’s a good reminder, to take breaks from EOs and herbs on a regular basis. Thanks for the reminder!
    Jennifer
- melissa
  
  the sensory stimulation in your list is actually a really good way to avoid nightmares. when i was 6 my family was in a really traumatizing car accident, and for the next few years i had night terrors nearly every night and my parents were desperate for a solution, one night my dad accidentally left the kitchen radio on and that was the first night in a month that i actually slept. later on a particular blanket of mine was being washed and they came back, turns our the sound of the radio, the texture of the blanket, and the sent of a lavender scented lamb i had, created a particular environment that i knew when i slept, so when i slept i recognized that environment i recognized that i was asleep and that i was dreaming and was then able to wake myself up. (sorry this was so insanely wordy)
http://www.facebook.com/people/Emily-Dykstra-Martin/1301821142 Emily Dykstra Martin

One thought regarding “monsters in the closet”…

My children are adopted from foster care and therefore have come from a different situation than most kids. (As you can imagine, children aren’t placed in foster care because their biological parents are doing a fabulous job of caring for them.) As a result, my children tend to be scared of “bad guys” rather than monsters, but I think the two-pronged approach my husband and I take may work for monsters as well :)

First, we give lots of snuggles and remind our kids that, as their mom and dad, it is our most important to keep them safe and happy and healthy. That means we will always protect them from bad guys (or monsters). We’ve never tried to argue the existence of bad guys/monsters – unfortunately our kids know they do exist.

Secondly, we feel it is so important to empower our children and to help them have confidence in themselves. We remind them that they eat healthy food and exercise, and therefore have strong muscles! We giggle about how, instead of them being afraid of bad guys (or monsters), the bad guys are actually afraid of them because of their HUGE muscles :) We even practice (in a silly way) growling, yelling, making faces, etc. at the bad guys/monsters. I feel strongly that giving kids a sense of control in their lives can help with many issues they may be facing…monsters in the closet included :)
- Jennifer
  
  I LOVE this. Sometimes, no matter how much our kids trust us, they might believe our reassurances with their heads but not their hearts. My 6-year-old is a HUGE worrier and nothing I say can change that. Empowering them – growls, funny faces, and all – is an excellent way to give them back control of their bedroom -and their lives!
  - Cadelle
    
    Actually, learning to growl back at the bad guys can be taken a step further, and you can teach them to yell out for help from someone. Empowering AND defensive if they’re being snatched by someone who ought not to have your kiddos.
    - http://www.facebook.com/people/Emily-Dykstra-Martin/1301821142 Emily Dykstra Martin
      
      You are so right, Cadelle. When I talk with my kiddos about “bad touches” we practice saying and YELLING what they would in that situation (NO! STOP TOUCHING ME!) I hope my neighbors cant hear us, lol… :) The more we can empower our children the better!
- Valerie_behr
  
  My daughter had a brief period of intense nightmares, something her pediatrician called “night terrors” when she was about three years old, for about six months. I’m not sure how terrified she was — but she sure scared the sh!t out of us, waking up howling or screaming and thrashing, muttering and wailing. When she woke up and could say what had her so upset, it would be something bizarre like “I dreamt I saw an ant crawling on the wall” (she was not a big fan of insects then or now). This would occur even if she was in bed with us, so the family bed wasn’t a solution. (We didn’t have ants, by the way) !
  
  I practised a method I learned in one of Carlos Castenada’s books, about learning how to control your dreams ( in his case, so you could learn to “fly” in your dreams). This method is basically - when you are dreaming, look for your hands. When you see your hands in the dream, you will know you are dreaming. When you know it’s just a dream, that is something in your mind and you can control that, so when you see your hands, imagine a way to get out of the danger in the dream - you can fly away, or something. When you see your hands, you can tell yourself you are in control.
  
  So one night she has this dream that a monster is trying to get her. She told me the next day about it – ”I looked for my hands and when I saw my hand, I made myself tiny, and went into a crack so he couldn’t see me.” Weird? yes. It worked though. She never had another night terror after that.
  
  I felt kind of guilty in case I was giving her some sort of esoteric knowledge that she shouldn’t have, as a kid – Castenada is not something you necessarily want to introduce pre schoolers to – at least until she was in college (a lot of Castenada’s stuff was based on taking peyote and dealing with the teachings of Don juan, a sort of brujo or witch) but what the heck. It worked in the situation we were dealing with.
  
  In the case of kids who are feigning injury or illness to get out of going to sleep or going to bed, however, maybe some extra attention before they are fully tucked in would be a good idea? The idea that they need meds - especially for something like Undiagnosed Weird Toe, which is, I presume, largely invented, is probably a way to get another few minutes of mom and postpone bedtime – they could as easily ask for a glass of water or another kiss, but points for creativity. :)
  
  A good night time routine that gives the child a feeling of security including checking the area for issues (monster/snake under the bed, witch in the closet, etc which were my concerns at that age) and letting the child feel secure, is good.
  
  I wouldn’t advise bringing “medicine” of any kind for this sort of complaint even if just water with honey. It gives the idea that comfort or security comes from ingesting medication and you don’t want that, long term. Shea butter on the toe can’t hurt much.
- shawnp
  
  WONDERFUL. I have foster/grandkids, on the way to adoption. If you dont mind I will definitely use these tactics when/if we have those something-is-bothering-me nights. :-)
mary beth

How about teaching our children that we don’t need a pill or other medicine for every bump, bruise and stray feeling we may experience in the normal progression of a day. I am an addictions nurse who has seen so many young and old people today want a pill or remedy for every feeling, emotion, sensation that they encounter.
I like Katie’s suggestion of alternate coping mechanisms, like jumping jacks, ice, shower, meditation, music, dancing so many out there.
That being said, I enjoy this blog and its many pointers and safe alternatives to big medicine, a big corporation personal products and products for the home. Thank you so much.
http://www.facebook.com/emily.vail Emily Vail

My littles are still little, so my eldest – who is two – is still completely placated by the simple “Let me kiss it. Now it’s all better!”

I think it’s fine to give your kids placebos. I don’t think it’s fine to lie to or deceive kids. So sure, give them “medicine,” but tell them straight up what it is. “This is a medicine that Mommy made with honey, etc., etc., and if you take some it will make you feel better.” Since the placebo effect is genuine, you are certainly not lying to them. Go for it.

As for what to put in it, this might be a good time to get some extra coconut oil into them! Mixed with honey, perhaps some homemade vanilla extract and EOs?
Rosa

We use almond oil with vanilla in it for rubbing random pains; and liquid red jello (which I literally call “placebo” – if it really hurts I’ll get you some placebo, honey!) for anything that doesn’t cure.

He’s six, hasn’t figured it out yet. His dad is worried it will make him highly dependent on liquid Tylenol as an adult but I figure it might as likely have the opposite effect.
Laura

I always turn to Shea butter. Your knee hurts? Put shea butter on it. Your arm itches? Put shea butter on it. You’re thirsty and your door is closed 1/4 inch too much? Put shea butter on it.
- Keisha
  
  I just laughed out loud reading this comment. I don’t know why, maybe just the ridiculousness of rubbing shea butter on a door.
Beth

I’m a mom to 2 little boys (6 and 3) who are very different from each and so have required different approaches is some areas. 6 yo never struggled with “monsters” but is a stall tactic ninja! 3 yo does have monsters in his room (I think big brother might be partially contributing to this one) but usually not much stalling. Protests from him are pitiful b/c he likes to sleep like his Mommy!
1. A very special flash light and “monster spray” (2 cotton balls with EO placed in a spray bottle did the trick) and when he was really struggling we checked the whole room before bed and “sprayed” thoroughly. Of course his favorite blanket is always right there for comfort. The worst of it didn’t last long – I think he just needed me and his Dad to validate his fears and gave him something to do on his own to handle the fear.
2. 6 yo is referred to as a “mole” here… Remember the game “whack-a-mole” at the fair (you put them down but they keep popping back up!). With him, consistent routines before bed as almost a ritual signaling time to settle helps but ultimately wasn’t enough for a time. Rewards were. He got 2 bed time passes each night (decorated index cards) for getting out of his room. Bathroom was an exception. He could use the passes for whatever (extra kiss, ask question) but then that was it. If he didn’t use his cards he could turn them in the next morning as extra points (we had a token economy here – google for explanation).
3. Ice packs and band-aids have saved my sanity for real and imagined boo-boo’s. Or a “rub down” Or kiss from mommy to the odd body ailment.
4. I’m also a physical therapist and “growing pains” are very real. Had them myself as a kid. Ouch! Bones grow at a faster rate during growth spurts for some kids than their muscles. Same muscle length now attached to newly lengthened bone equals pain! Severe to mild but real. Stretching the hamstrings (knees/legs are most often site of discomfort) during during periods of growth (eating more, sleeping more and/or harder) seems to help my son. But in he middle of the night, I pull out the heating pad and give a dose of ibuprofen. Rarely do I have to do this more then 2 nights in a row.
Good luck. You sound like an amazing mom and finding your way with each is always an interesting journey.
Skatie

I’ve lectured my kids so much on how dehydration can cause a host of ailments that it’s easy now to just “prescribe” a glass of water for nearly everything. Your legs hurt? Your nose is stuffed up? Your stomach is upset? Can’t sleep? Skin is itchy? Overwhelmed by teenage angst? Water will help all these things. It weeds out the stalling tactics, usually, and certainly doesn’t hurt them if it’s something that requires further attention.
Heather

I started to read this post while my son was going to sleep tonight. While I was reading the comment about the EO sprays, he came and asked for help with acupressure and meditation to calm down and get some sleep. Before we started, I told him I’d been reading about sprays “to help you sleep when something is bothering you,” and that I would make him some. He liked the idea. Now that he is asleep, I am going to make a lavender spray and give him a bottle in the morning for a Valentine’s present. Talk about synchronicity…

With that said, the kids yoga classes he’s taken in the past have taught him the power of meditation, and the question of whether his injury or illness is serious enough to warrant the hospital or might feel better after some meditation/sleep instead usually settles him. I am also a firm believer in the healing power of tea for cold symptoms, ginger or crackers for stomach aches, and cold/heat for aches and pains. If he agrees to my suggestion I know he’s really feeling bad, and usually the “remedy” plus some TLC get him to sleep,and we know to monitor him to see if he really gets sick. If not, I know it’s just a stall tactic. Also, we have taught him to use medicine as a last resort (so it will work better), so he is willing to try other things first.

We have really struggled with sleep in the past. Hang in there and try some of the ideas posted here. Something will work and give you peace.

Hope you find this helpful and thanks to all for the great suggestions! Can’t wait to try the room spray…
Nashes

I got and still get pains in my legs, which my mom called growing pains, although, as I am now 35, I don’t know how they could be. My mom’s remedy was to rub my legs with tiger balm or a cotton ball soaked in rubbing alcohol for the cooling sensation but I’m pretty sure the only reason that worked in childhood was due to the placebo effect. In adulthood, what works is to raise the leg on a rolled up pillow. Perhaps it is also a placebo but I swear within 20 minutes the pain is gone and if I don’t do it but fall asleep anyway the pain is often still bothersome in the morning.
- Maggie
  
  I have horrible trouble with Restless Leg Syndrome, and while elevating my legs and/or putting a pillow between them helps, the only thing that gets me through the really bad nights is a homemade salve I created for muscle aches, and now pretty much only use for my legs. I don’t really have a recipe per se (I rarely measure), but it’s arnica, comfrey, and solomon’s seal infused olive oil (low heat, one hour), with beeswax, lanolin and just a hint of cayenne powder. It is magic for night time leg aches, and other aches too!
Stephanie

My kids are teenagers now and are perfectly able to put themselves to bed, but my daughter who didn’t sleep through the night until she was six still has trouble getting to sleep. She has nightly rituals that are very important to her. She makes a cup of chamomile tea and heats up a lavender scented rice pack. They are things we started when she was young to ease into bedtime and she still does them now.

Bedtime is harder for some kids. They are wired that way. Some creative minds are harder to quiet. I’m a firm believer in giving them the tools they need to succeed.
Sweet Assilem

How about a nice balm? I have a basket full of Badger Balms next to my bed. They’re natural & safe & ethical & they make a night night balm for kids. http://www.badgerbalm.com/p-425-night-night-balm.aspx
http://sustainableprincess.wordpress.com/ Kate

My daughter is only 3 1/2, so I’m not sure how long I have left with this cure-all, but when she hurts something I kiss my hand and “throw” it or “pass” it to her. “Mom, my knee hurts!” “Here, put this on it.” My usual first line of defense. 60 percent efficacy.
MrsErnbo

When my children were little, the daycare they attended played “ocean sounds” at naptime. I made a few copies of the music, and kept a CD in the car, in my purse, in the house. If you start this when they are very little, they will conk out almost immediately anywhere when they hear it.

I am also a firm believer in the cool wet washcloth. Head hurts? Throat hurts? Cool rag. It’s hot and you just can’t get settled? Wiping bare feet with a wet washcloth ( maybe a bit of peppermint added) does wonders.
Jennifer

I have one last question for all you ladies in the know out there – I’m ordering some Fidnemed Nighttime tea from Mountain Rose Herbs (through CB’s link!) and see it’s got valerian root in it. Does anyone know if it’s safe to use on younger kids? One of my girls seems to be allergic to ragweed so I worry that the chamomile tea would exacerbate that, so I was looking at this tea. Any thoughts on valerian root and young ‘uns?
- Lugh00
  
  I’m not sure how old your little one is, but when mine was 4 a liquid herbal complex, including valerian, was recommend to me, it was meant for kids, I don’t remember the ages, except that 4 was included. Unfortunately for me it didn’t help her sleep, but no negative side effects. The only thing that works on this one is melatonin but I won’t give that to a small child for an extended period of time myself.
http://www.closingthegaptogether.blogspot.com/ Miranda

Well, what I have done before is not a tonic or cream, but a necklace or a charm to “keep her safe”. I actually saw this on the “Cosby Show” of all places. It did work, it calmed her down, and made her feel less lonely in the dark. It is something tangible and “special”.
Nancy

I agree with some of the other comments about not wanting to make the kids think they always need to take “medicine”. When my kids were little (all are grown now) and with my grandkids, nieces and nephews and even day care kids, I resorted to Bach Rescue Remedy. Just a drop on the wrist or the tummy or any place they wanted, particularly the place that “hurt” or the toe that felt weird! This really did help calm the “I don’t want to go to bed” monster and gave a general feeling of well being to the kid and to the harried “I want you in bed right now” mom.
Maria

I would definitely give kids what they want, but for heaven sake don’t call it “real medicine”
Call it Mommy’s Tonic, or something like that
We don’t want our kids to think the “real medicine” that they see in walgreens/walmarts/on tv – is something they should be taking for every little ache
Ginaandtheboyz

When my son was between 3 to about 8yrs old he would complain that his legs hurt. This usually happened at night. I took him to the doctor, she said it was growing pains, and I should give him Tylenol to ease the pain. I am anti medication unless absolutely necessary. So, when he complained of pain I would rub his legs with baby lotion, like a massage, and tell him it would stop the pain. I would tell him to give it 1/2 hour and if he still hurt I would give him Tylenol. I never had him come back and complain after the 1/2 hour time limit.
http://twitter.com/granolacatholic Lisa Greenwood

I have an 11 year old that still has problems at bedtime, for us we use ginger capsules, they help a tummy ache or growing pains (they are antinflammatory as well as quell tummy problems from bad eating.) But we have found that if she eats well throughout the day and does not eat sugar or wheat most of her problems go away. I have also noticed that she is a particular personality type that can ignore aches and pains during the day while she is busy but at night when she is trying to relax they bother her. So we end dinner with a cup of relaxing herbal tea instead of dessert on school nights. This is helps us all.
Cadelle

Not a placebo, but something I just remembered. Someone’s comment about creative minds not shutting off at bedtime triggered it. Coffee Cruda. Homeopathic available from Boiron, amongst others. My ADD stepfather used it to help quiet his mind before bed, and I’ve used it as well.

Hyland’s teething tablets (and Humphrey’s and Little Remedies) also have small dosages of it, more appropriate for younger children, and I’ve been known to give a couple to my toddler.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_Q7D37G6AIK4IOFGJKPQ3Z25Z6E Heather

I would let a kid wanting “medicine” at bedtime have some chamomile tea. It’s gentle enough for babies, calms, soothes, and settles upset tummies (for a kid with a REALLY upset tummy, add some ginger) It’ll help them sleep better, if nothing else. I keep ice cubes of it to melt for when my baby is gassy
Magic Mom

I’m SO delighted to have discovered this blog today! I like Betty’s comment on the power of the time her father took to ward off the wolf. That’s TOTALLY the key here! So yeah, I’ve done a lot of these sorts of things with my kids, and even now that they’re 11 and 15, you’d be surprised by how often my Magic Mom tricks still get trotted out.

First of all, there’s Magic Sleeping Spray. That’s just a sprayer bottle with water and a few drops of lavender oil or pure lavender hydrosol. That brings good dreams and got sprayed on the pillow at bedtime every night for many years. When things were a little worse, such as when the monsters in the closet were acting up, we could also spray the MSS on windowsills, closet doors and in any dark corner that was displaying suspicious activity.

When there is more serious insomnia going on (like if you’re a teenager and stressed over an exam) then a nice sleeping oil rubbed into the temples is good, as is mom playing soothing music and talking you down from the ledge while she gently rubs it in. For this I use a little heavier carrier, like maybe an avocado oil, and then the usual relaxing oils, often just lavender and chamomile, but sometimes some others thrown in for good measure.

When there is an actual cold going on, a chest rub is very powerful. A friend of mine who used to work for the V***s people told me that they had research showing it was the parents’ loving touch rubbing the stuff in on the child’s chest that did as much good as any ingredient in the formula. So I would put some of the usual aromatics that are good for congestion in a shea butter base and rub it in. I learned the hard way that some of these oils KEEP CHILDREN AWAKE at night and some don’t, so the formula got refined over time so we could all get some sleep. Similarly, I would make an anti-viral liquid that is pure essential oils to drop into the little medicine well of the humidifier to make the room all steamy and aromatic and make the kids feel cared for, protected and loved. Maybe it even did kill some germs, too!

If anyone’s interested, I can dig up my old recipes, but seems like people around here know which oils do what.

Finally, kids respond really well to healing touch. In fact, both of mine ended up doing it on their friends’ booboos on the playground. I thought we’d be run out of town for witchcraft, but everyone took it quite well. Good luck with the placebos! I love the idea of drawing magical charms on band-aids. Wow!
- Susancw
  
  I’d love some of your recipes….mine are all gone with moves so I need to restock…still have a 12 YO at home and will have grandkids in the next 5 or 6 years I suspect. :”D
Gigapeach

All of these ideas are outstanding!! I have a 5-almost-6 year old who sometimes has aches-n-pains and scares… We use lavendar linen spray to mist around the bed, it is her “princess spray” to keep her safe (lavendar to calm her down), when she just feels lousy but not sick I give her a small tsp of honey and for muscle aches I massage her legs or back with lavendar baby lotion. A good book also helps tons!! I have noticed that sometimes it is about needing a little extra time, sometimes she needs to know that mama is going to take care of her if she gets sick. Either way- I am not giving her unnecessary medicine and she is learning to find other ways to soothe the hurt and also that medicine is taken only when sick.
http://www.meandmine-chandra.blogspot.com/ Chansmith11

Aquaphor. If I can’t cure it with a hug and a kiss I smear aquaphor on it. It is the cure all ointment in our house.
Siobhan

When I was little I’d always have a hurting ankle (growing pains) so I’d get up and tell my mum, and then she would rub tiger balm onto my ankle.

This always satisfied me 100% because not only does tiger balm usually work for muscle pains but it also assured me that I had been thoroughly treated for my medical woes!
Autumn Green

I’m new around here and just learning about all the alternative things so keep that in mind as I tell my story.
For a lot of years I worked in the construction industry. I had REALLY long hours when I was working but was able to be home most of the summer/fall with my kids. I started doing that job when my youngest was 7 and she had some major separation anxiety because before that I was a stay at home mom. She started having aches and pains…one year as I started back to work her back “killed” her. Took her to the dr, doc says growing pains. So we rubbed and massaged every night. Next job it was stomach aches…doc says nothing she sees is wrong maybe something she’s eating. Anyway you get the picture, every job I went on was something new. After about 4 years of it, she starts hurting in her feet, ankles, heels. Now she’s “hurting” so bad she’s crying and complaining…not just at bedtime, mostly all day long. I decided to try the placebo thing. I bought Azo cranberry pills for urinary health. They claim to be all natural. I don’t like the medicine for what ails you attitude but I was at my wits end….I was working 12 hours a day 7 days a week, she would call me crying at work…it was killing me not to be here with her. Anyway I took an old prescription bottle, made a label on my label maker and explained to her they were only to be taken when she couldn’t stand the pain. Once she built it up in her system it would keep her feet from hurting. Well she took about 6 pills over a 3 week time period…THEY WORKED! She has never had the pain again. Of course she is 15 now and I told her about doing it not long ago and she about died from embarrassment. Anyway it was a last ditch effort thing but thankfully it worked.
Valerie

This might work, it’s so silly.
When my youngest got those mysterious aches and pains I told her that I had magical healing lips, yeah I know daft. I’d pucker up and give her a long kiss on her sore knee or forehead and tell her to try to go to sleep so it could work it’s magic. I think she finally grew out of it and even humored me for a while. Till one day she outright laughed at me!
Amanda Griner

The “placebos” in our house are the exact same things I give her when she’s actually sick or injured… hot tea or an ice pack. I can’t even tell you how often she comes up “Cough, Cough… did you hear me Mommy? I’m sick. I need hot tea” Bumps and bruises, real or imaginary need an ice pack and a band aid. The ice pack is usually discarded after a few minutes if the boo boo isn’t real. I try not to give her “real medicine” unless she’s really really sick. I let fevers do their job instead of dosing her w/ Tylenol at the first sign of one, and she’s never been on antibiotics. So, when she wants to play sick, I have no problem playing doctor.
RJ

Honey with lemon, it is our special medicine. And chamomlile tea infused with star anise and cloves, special tea. soothes tummy aches, gas, sore throats and many other ailments even made up ones.
http://twitter.com/AnGeLiStArR AngeliStarr M.

Kool aid!!!
Strong potent, strain the sugar from it n leave it in the back of the fridge, Kool aid.
Latifa

Keep apple puree in a plastic container and give them a teaspoon when ever they ask for medicine. If they are older, use different doses for different conditions. Keep the plastic container out of their sight.
http://northierthanthou.com/ northierthanthou

Lol, …if only the kids knew!