40 Responses to “Bathroom Cleaning (psst – I mean Make Your Own Love Balm)”


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  1. I like the doubles as a lipbalm idea. Cleaning the bathroom with an unshaven character usually required a post pucker up moisturizer.

  2. I made a similar chocolate massage oil for my boyfriend on our last anniversary. It will probably be a lot runnier than yours since this one contains more oil and less cocoa butter.
    * 85 ml almond/apricot oil
    * 15 g cocoa butter
    * 5 g dark chocolate (at least 70% cocoa)
    * (1 ml Vitamin E)
    Heat up the oil in a water-bath, add the cocoa butter and cocolate and stir until melted. If using Vitamin E and add when the mixture is cooler than 40°C (104°F)

    Might I add, this recipe is mild enough to be used even on _very sensitive_ areas. Also edible, though not very tasty :)

    The ice cubes are a really cool idea too! Ikea sell these heart-shaped ice cube trays, though that might get too tacky.

    • Crunchy Betty

      Oooh. Love it. LOVE that it actually contains dark chocolate. Sounds so naughtily nourishing, y’know?

      Thank you for sharing!

  3. This is a fun idea. I make an aphrodisiac tea (herbalphilosophy.com). Who couldn’t use a little more AHEM excitement in their lives? Glad I found your site!

  4. This is definitely worth printing. I always hate those store bought love balms because they contain parabens and all sorts of crap.

    And I love chocolate so I’m looking forward to this. And I’m sure my husband will be too!


  5. Don’t know which I like more the recipes or the analogy! So funny! This does sound like a lot of fun! By the way, how’s the kitty?

    • Crunchy Betty

      She’s soooo naughty and adorable. At first, the big cat would bite her a little and she was scared of him. So I got worried that it might not work out. But now she goes after him just as hard.

      It’s like watching a jellybean play with an elephant.

      Heartbreakingly entertaining.

  6. Oooo-la-la! I will forever link the phrase “cleaning the bathroom” with, you know… wink-wink-nudge-nudge. You might have posted this last Friday… you know, BEFORE my anniversary? Oh well, there’s always next year! :P ha ha!

    (hey, and thanks for the linkie!)

  7. I’m loving this post.

    And I think I like the “clean the bathroom” analogy better than the “take a nap” one.

    Although I think the kids would wonder why our bathroom looks the way it does what with all that cleaning going on…

  8. This is such a freakin’ awesome post, girl! Seriously good writing. Seriously. Love the analogy, because sometimes is seems about as much fun as cleaning the bathroom. Not all the time…but sometimes. Thanks for spicing it up when I’m in the mood to say, “Honey, not tonight.”

  9. It never even occurred to me that you could make your own love balms. Brilliant!

  10. Wow…another fabulous post! I sooooo need to clean my bathroom! LMAO

    I love that you can make all these wonderful things yourself and I am so addicted to chocolate…thing is my boyfriend isn’t. I might have to integrate some cinnamon into the mix (that’s a fave of his! LOL)

  11. Andrew

    can i just say.. OMGOOOOOSH! after recently googleing mineral foundation recipes to start my own line of products as i can NEVER find a decent shade from over the counter cosmetics, i came across your page. and WOW! ive only been on here for about 20 minutes but im loving what you do! thank you soo much :D

    • Crunchy Betty

      You’re very welcome!

      And how exciting – starting your own line! Keep me up to date. When you get going, I’d love to try what you’ve come up with and write about it!

  12. Um…wow.

    Just another thing to throw out there–if one should hypothetically really want to try the chocolate recipe on this page but have neither the glycerin nor feel like taking the time to melt the cocoa butter and beeswax, the SECOND recipe can hypothetically easily take a spoonful of unsweetened cocoa and a tiny drizzle of almond oil, and be just as delightful.

    My husband hypothetically agrees. :-)

    I’ve been wanting to try this since you first posted it…OMG, thank you. :-)

  13. Jennifer

    I’m a little concerned about the addition of honey if the balm ends up in or around your nether region, as sugar makes for an all to welcoming environment for yeast and bacteria and may increase the likelihood of an infection. I think honey is a tasty and fun addition for some fore play, but I’d leave it when sampling it on more intimate areas. …Maybe use Stevia for an edible concoction that may be more friendly to your lady bits?

    • Anonymous

      Did some research. Some women (and doctors) actually recommend using honey externally for yeast infections, so I’d say go for it.

      http://www.yeastinfectionfact.com/ This is where I got this info from…

      • Kat

        Honey is anti-bacterial, anti-viral, and if I am not mistaken, anti-fungal. I use it as a wound-dressing and on fever blisters. It is also soluble in water, esdpecially warm/hot water. It will come off with water alone in the shower, and even faster with water and soap. If you were concerned about it being in hard to water nether-regions, I’d say you could be 100% sure to remove it all if you immersed yourself in a bath of warm water- a small (relaxing and luxurious) price to pay for a good “cleaning!” If your partner joined you in the tub, you might even clean the bathroom a second time and become the wife of the century! /wink

    • Guest

      I wouldn’t be so concerned about the honey as about the glycerin. Glycerin is not good for those prone to yeast infections!

  14. Liv

    This post is awesome! Thanks for the laughs….and the good ideas!

  15. Ally

    So odd question, didn’t know where else to put it. Here goes…DH and I often use coconut oil as a KY alternative. While I love it, he hates the smell (he’s crazy, I know). Is there any essential oil or anything that I can sent it with that would be safe when used for this purpose on a regular basis? Thanks so much in advance!!

    • Adgreene413

       She mentioned vanilla extract in the oil recipe. Maybe that could help?

    • mamarach11

      not that I’d normally recommend it, but perhaps use a refined coconut oil? The stuff I’ve gotten at walmart is still organic, but its refined and has no coconut (or any?) smell to it at all … not my preference, but it may work for you here?

  16. Kori Pressnell

    I’ve found that the love balm only lasts for about a week. Mine formed little white snowflake looking crystals and after seeing that I threw it out. The recipe says it lasts up to 6 months and I followed it exactly.

    Any thoughts?

    I’m going to try it without the cocoa powder and see if that makes a difference but past that I’m at a loss.

  17. Stephixy

    If you are looking for a homemade KY alternative, I have one here that is amazing. It’s PH level is perfect for being introduced to the neither regions, and it is extremely cheap to make. Xantham Gum. All you need is a 1/4 teaspoon in a 1/2 a cup water. The consistency is great, and it will never cause an infection. It only keeps for a few days and has to be kept in the fridge, but a 6oz bottle of the stuff makes 5 gallons of… stuff. We paid $8 for 6oz at our local health food store.

  18. Mindy Schmaltz

    any one know how much the balm makes? im trying to figure out what kind of container to put it in. also my fiancee hates chocolate but loves vanilla, any idea on how to make the balm without the chocolate?

  19. Dani

    I was also concerned with the addition of honey, though I’m not prone to infection. I try to avoid things that cause them. Honey being anti-gross stuff could counter any effect the sugar has. Has anyone had issues with using honey this way? Maybe it’s worth a try. We have been using coconut oil as a personal lubricant for about a year now and we love it! It’s smooth and natural feeling, it doesn’t get sticky like some of the commercial products I’ve tried. And it’s good for your skin.

  20. Katy Hall

    Ok sorry. So I need a little hand holding here…is this stuff “external use only” or can you, um…..flush it??

  21. Katy Hall

    Ok sorry. So I need a little hand holding here…is this stuff “external use only” or can you, um…..flush it??

  22. Kelly

    What could you use with latex?


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